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His power in my weakness

November 3, 2010

The last few weeks felt like a hamster running in a wheel. So exhausted at the end of the day, but not much progress to show for it. Ashamed of my dirty home, last minute meals, and unsure of my quality of wifedom and motherhood. Frustrated and discouraged.

Yesterday it all came to a head. My sweet baby boy started teething recently… and started to deliberately disobey. I know, it sounds crazy that a seven month old can disobey, but a mother knows that twinkle of understanding when I am telling him not to do something… and then the second where he chooses to do it anyway. So, I took him from his highchair and gave him a 2 minute time-out in his pack and play with him crying and kicking. Oh! How my heart ached. I loved picking him back up and holding him.

By mid afternoon I literally wanted to scream, but I cried instead. Totally drained, insecure, and overwhelmed. “I can’t do it all. I can’t do it all.”

Decided to get a breath of fresh air and took Kavin on a walk. “Lord, I need You. Lord I need You. Lord, I need You.” No other words expressed it the way these four did, so I just repeated them, over and over, and over.

Jason arrived home and read the defeat on my tear-stained face. He took Kavin for an hour so I could just be with the Lord. “Lord, I need You. Lord, I need You. Lord, I need You.” I continued to repeat the only words I found to express my angst.

God met me there in my brokeness and I realized something. The domestic life, the life of serving in the home, is much more difficult and challenging to me than any special event I planned for 40,000 people or mission trip I organized half way around the world. This 24/7 giving, loving, caring, arranging, providing, nurturing, supporting… it takes everything that I don’t have. I realize that I need Christ’s power more than ever. I realize that His power is perfected in my weakness. I realize in my heart I place more value on ministry outside the home, when the ministry in the home is most precious.

No one else can excel at loving my husband well. No one else can set the tone of my home with the attitude of my heart. No one else can mother Kavin with the tenderness of Jesus Christ. Eternity is at stake… even when I wash the dishes.

I am thankful for God’s grace and His Word.  He speaks to me tender, loving words of encouragement.  Isaiah 40:11… “He gently leads the nursing ewes.”  2 Corinthians 12:9… ‘And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness ” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.’  And one of my life-time favs, Matthew 11:29-30, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Years ago I decided to cook my Aunt Janice a birthday dinner and invited the whole family.  I chose rather boldly, since I never cooked on a grill.  How hard is grilling hamburgers?  Hmm… too hard for me since they turned out like burnt coals.  My cousins, more like older brothers, made funny snide comments that jabbed at my value and seemed to say to my heart, “you will never be a good cook.”  I ran out the other side of the house crying and hyperventilating.  All I wanted was to bless my aunt and do something for her, since she does so much for me and the rest of the family.  She stepped out of the front door and hugged me, “you can’t be good at everything.  You are good at many things, so, this is not one of them and that is okay.”

I know I can’t be good at all things domestic… and I still don’t do the grill, but what the Lord Jesus reminded me of this week, is the attitude of my heart is what pleases Him most.  I could be Martha Stewart and still not live as a pleasing aroma.  So, I am more like the antithesis to the picture perfect housewife… but, Lord Jesus, please help me be all YOU desire me to be.  For it won’t matter when all is said and done if my socks were color coded or the dinning room table always cleared from my coupon clipping, but what will matter is me hearing Him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:23).

I still desire to excel in all things, but only let ONE be my master.  The Great Redeemer.

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3 comments

  1. Amen, Seana! I, too, have struggled with what a “good” stay-at-home mom looks like. Perfect house, yummy dinners, fridge and pantry stocked with healthy food, child clean, happy, and doing something educational every second. Truth is, I have to remind myself, as well as my other mommy friends, is that no one is perfect. And those that seem to be are hurting else where and/or aren’t enjoying their families because they are working too hard! Bottom line is, we should be resting in His arms everyday. And some days, we need to do just that…REST in His arms. And other days….”Then David continued, ‘Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the temple of the Lord is finished correctly.'” I Chronicles 28:20 (NLT) we need to do just show up and do the work, knowing the Lord is with us!


  2. Seana…. Even the most perfect ones have moments of feeling like they have failed…. From childhood I have always struggled with perfection… If it wasn’t perfect, it was a failure.. It also prevented me from doing things I believed I would not do well… It prevented me from completing something I felt I would not do perfectly… Over the years I have found that providing a secure and happy environment filled with love and gentleness was really the most important. Being loving and available to my husband and my children, and now my grandchildren are the most important.
    the cooking, the clean house, the laundry and etc… well….. they all get done, but nor at the expense of maintaining a peaceful home… Somehow, when I didn’t focus on the perfection of the task.. it got done… I love you so….!!!


  3. Seana,

    I so appreciate your honesty and transparency. I think it is SOOO needed for our generation of moms who are trying to honor God by staying at home. In the 3.5 years I’ve been home I have frequently asked God if I was the only one feeling this way. I always knew I wanted to be at home and I thought I would do well because I am pretty domestic, a girl scout through and through. Despite my talents in many areas I have daily been humbled by the task before me. I used to pray that God would use me for some big thing for His kingdom, like going abroad or leading some big ministry. I have come to realize that being a wife and mom is keeping me constantly aware of how much I need Him. I am also learning more and more that the task of mothering was not meant to be done alone. I need to ask for help! Thank you for sharing.



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